BONUS!!!!!!!

Here's a list of what we got stuck in our rectums last year.

All reports are taken from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission’s of emergency room visits, and all descriptions are verbatim. Objects are sorted by orifice, working south:

EAR

2 WIRELESS EARBUDS
JEWEL
“SISTER PUT LONG SLENDER TOY IN PATIENT'S EAR”
METAL PIECE OF SHIRT
ROCK SALT
BERRY
“PATIENT SAYS SHE HAD WAX IN EAR & ATTEMPTED TO REMOVE WITH TWEEZERS & PIECE OF STRING”
PAPER IN BOTH EARS
“PLACED THERMOMETER IN EAR, FELL ON BED”
JUICE BOX STRAW
PEARL
WOOD CHIP
MICROCHIP
DECORATIVE SEASHELL
TOOTH OF COMB
ZIP TIE
SLIME
PLASTIC SPIDER
CHRISTMAS ORNAMENT

NOSE

2 RARE EARTH MAGNETS
SMALL HEART STICKER
2 BUTTON BATTERIES
BATH BEAD
CHALK
“BUG, TRIED TO REMOVE WITH BOBBY PIN, BOBBY PIN NOW STUCK”
CANDY WRAPPER
GOOGLY EYE
MOTHBALL
SUNFLOWER SEED
CHRISTMAS ORNAMENT

THROAT

FIDGET SPINNER
CONDOM
“7 NUTS FROM THE CHRISTMAS TREE MOM AND DAD WERE TAKING DOWN”
LASER POINTER
TAPE DISPENSER
DECORATIVE ROCK
PIECE OF BED
TROPICAL BREEZE DETERGENT POD
“SWALLOWED 3 BUTTON BATTERIES LAST PM & THUMBTACK THIS AM B/C 'THEY TASTE GOOD'”
FUSE
CAPSULE THAT EXPANDS INTO A FOAM DINOSAUR
PLASTIC SWORD
“SWALLOWED STAMP INK PAD THAT HE RECEIVED AS A PRIZE AT THE DENTIST'S OFFICE”
CLEANING SOLUTION, RAZOR BLADE COVERED IN TOLIET PAPER, BROKEN PLASTIC SOAP DISH
STUFFED BIRD
“ABOUT 10” PUZZLE PIECES
“HAD NECKLACE IN MOUTH TRYING TO UNTANGLE IT & ACCIDENTALLY SWALLOWED IT”
GLASS CHRISTMAS TREE LIGHT
ICE CREAM CUP LID
DRILL BIT
HEARING AID
KEY
“SWALLOWED A THUMBTACK THAT SHE THOUGHT WAS A MINT”
CHRISTMAS ORNAMENT

PENIS

CRAYONS
MARKER CAP
CHOPSTICK
BALLPOINT PEN
PIECE OF TOY PLIERS
LOLLIPOP STICK
COAXIAL CABLE
WEDDING RING
MAGNETS
SCREWDRIVER
BOBBY PIN, “UNABLE TO ACHIEVE ERECTION & THOUGHT IT WOULD HELP”

VAGINA

TOOTHBRUSH
“A METAL AND PLASTIC CONTAINER”
TAPE
“WAS BEING ARRESTED BY THE POLICE SO SHE TOOK HER CELL PHONE AND HID IT FROM THEM - STUCK IT IN HER VAGINA”
PERFUME BOTTLE
MAKEUP SPONGE
LARGE PIECE OF UNDERWEAR
TOY ACTION FIGURE
RUBBER BALL
“JUMPED OFF COUCH LANDED ON SPOON”

RECTUM

“PATIENT STATES HE STATES SLIPPED IN THE SHOWER AND LANDED ON A METAL AIR FRESHENER CAN AND IT WENT INTO RECTUM”
FOLDING KNIFE
PLASTIC TOY, “ABOUT 6 INCHES LONG”
TOOTHPICK
TOOTHBRUSH
TOOTHBRUSH HOLDER
PLUNGER HANDLE
MATTRESS FOAM
TWO RAZOR BLADES
TWO SMALL VIBRATORS
TURKEY BASTER
CONDOM WRAPPER
COAT HANGER, “PATIENT UNSURE HOW IT GOT THERE”
GARDEN HOSE CAP
CIGARETTE LIGHTER
TOY HOCKEY STICK
WATER GUN
BAG OF HEROIN
COINS
EGG TIMER
SMALL SHAMPOO BOTTLE
LARGE SHAMPOO BOTTLE
LIGHT BULB
APPLE SAUCE CAN
“ACCIDENTALLY GOT A DILDO LODGED IN RECTUM & CUT THE END OF THE DILDO OFF”
“STUCK A 4 INCH BUTT PLUG UP RECTUM YESTERDAY, HANDLE BROKE. HE CONTINUED TO PUSH THE TOY IN”
“WAS USING PROSTATE MASSAGER & IT GOT 'SUCKED IN'”'
CHRISTMAS ORNAMENT

About Uptown Angela

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